In order to survive in the world you must learn, and to gain knowledge you must think.

This makes thinking a primary human necessity for life and a fundamental By Design concept.

And, just like your body, your mind has certain requirements you must fulfill in order to live a healthy, happy and fulfilling life:

The 5 Requirements For A Healthy Mind

1. Conscious Philosophy
2. High Self Esteem
3. Unquestionable Purpose
4. Crystal Clear Vision
5. Congruent Action Plan

In Part 1 of this 5 Part Series we discussed the importance of defining your conscious philosophy. Click HERE if you missed it.

In Part 2 we’re going to discuss the second step: The importance of self-esteem and how to develop it.

What exactly is self-esteem?

Self-esteem by definition means the health of the mind.

To quote a pioneer in the field of self-esteem, the late, Dr. Nathanial Branden:

“Apart from disturbance whose roots are biological I cannot think of a single psychological problem – from anxiety and depression, to underachievement at school or at work, to fear of intimacy, happiness, or success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to spouse battering or child molestation, to co-dependency and sexual disorders, to passivity and chronic aimlessness to suicide and crimes of violence – that is not traceable, at least in part, to the problem of deficient self-esteem. Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.”

Dr. Branden, who is considered the father of the movement, has published nearly 20 books on the topic, pushed the field further than anyone before him, and left a legacy by creating clear distinctions between different levels of self-esteem and a way for people to begin developing and raising their own.

Dr. Branden discovered what he coined the 6 pillars of self-esteem.

Each of these pillars forms a basic requirement in the development of self-esteem:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

Let’s review each one briefly:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously

In order to change anything, consciousness is crucial. Many people are not or choose not to be conscious of behaviours and actions that are damaging to themselves or others. Not being conscious means, “lacking the awareness that something is happening.” In this regard, it can be either ignorance or volitional.

By nature we are humans, and this means that there are going to be areas in life that we simply do not possess knowledge about yet. There will always be information, facts or concepts that we don’t know that we don’t know. How do we know what they are? That’s the point, you can’t know. And in these cases our ignorance or lack of consciousness can powerfully affect our quality of life.

On the other hand, living unconsciously by choice is having the knowledge and choosing not to act or willingly pretending that the knowledge does not exist.

Observe a poor relationship. Too often a couple in this situation will behave as if they are completely unaware that anything is wrong with the quality of their partnership. Yet in hindsight, they can detail the shortcomings of their relationship and the issues that were holding back its development. The truth is, they had the knowledge but refused to acknowledge something was not right.

Not admitting that something needs to change shows a lack of consciousness, and without this realization, nothing ever will. This makes living consciously the foundational step to building healthy self-esteem.

2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance

Once someone becomes conscious that they have something they want to change, the next pillar of self-esteem is the practice of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance simply means to accept your current situation or circumstances. It does not mean that you have to like them, just that you acknowledge them. This applies to both circumstances you don’t want (commonly the first thought when one hears the concept of self-acceptance) but also those circumstances you do want.

It is a great crime against ourselves to accept our weak points but ignore our greatness, the very thing that makes us stand out from others. In today’s world, people are condemned; not for their sins but their virtues. The very qualities that would make someone stand out as amazing are often ridiculed by the masses.

Look no further than an athlete who wins all the awards and championships that are possible for them to achieve. When asked about it, they are expected to respond that “they were lucky,” “they had great coaches and teammates,” etc. The athlete that is honest and admits, “Yes, I am a great athlete” is labeled as “cocky” or “arrogant”.

Why should we penalize someone for taking pride in their honest achievements? Why should you take the back seat when you have done something great? If you do, that is a self-esteem problem. But it is also a problem if you take too much of the credit. When it comes to being self-accepting, we need to ensure that we are offering an objective view of both our faults and our virtues.

To briefly summarize the practice of self-acceptance, Branden said: “My refusal is to be in an adversarial relationship to myself.” Self-acceptance is simply the acknowledgement of reality, nothing more, nothing less.

3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility

Self-Responsibility means that you accept the fact that you have control over your life and you are an expression of your choices. Being responsible does not mean accepting moral blame or guilt for everything someone feels like blaming you for. It is not your goal to live up to anyone else’s expectations other than your own. Your standards are the only ones that truly matter.

Sadly, society pities those who do nothing to accept responsibility and improve their life.

In contrary, a tragic event seen too often is the attack on the people who do take full self-responsibility for their lives in an attempt to make them better.

When Dr. Rachelle Jug, co-creator of Life By Design, took full responsibility for her diagnosis of thyroid cancer, changed her lifestyle and in turn saved her own life, she was not given a “pat on the back” by anybody. Instead, she was discouraged to follow her own best judgment, and was labeled “dangerous” by some of her peers, closest friends and medical providers.

The purpose of accepting responsibility for your life is to realize that if you are not happy you can change it. The degree to which you are able to change is the degree to which you are responsible for you own life.

4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness

Being self-assertive means to speak and act from your deepest convictions – to be truly authentic with your communication. Many feel that, if they express themselves, they may offend someone, or even worse they may not “be accepted” for sharing their genuine feelings or convictions on a topic.

To be clear, self-assertiveness does not mean sharing your opinion at every opportunity and being rude about it. It simply means that, when you speak or act, you do so from what you truly believe to be correct.

Many accept chiropractic as a therapy for symptom relief but, since that idea is opposite to a deeply held conviction for every Life By Design Doctor, it is not acceptable to refer to chiropractic in a certified office as treatment. Lovingly communicating that chiropractic is a vital life and health-allowing strategy for everyone would be an act of self-assertiveness by a Life By Design team member.

5. The Practice of Living Purposefully

You could say the purpose of life is to clarify your purpose. You cannot wander aimlessly through life and expect to lead a fulfilling existence; you must want to see something happen. Which purpose, or purposes, you choose does not matter as much as just choosing something.

When asked the simple question “What do you want?” most people don’t have an answer. Of course the answer to this question begins in the first part of this book where we discussed philosophy.

The stronger you are philosophically, the more conscious of your beliefs and values you are, the higher your self esteem will be, and the clearer your purpose for living on this planet will become.

A terrible thought that is implanted into many children as they grow up is that following your dreams and making them a reality is a matter of fiction, not fact. True, following your purpose will be difficult and challenging, but it is possible and even probable to fulfill. Far too many people have given up far too early in their lives because they lacked the courage to follow what they believed to be their purpose.

Dr. Frank Sovinsky reminds us, “The purpose of your life is not to arrive safely at the end.” Your purpose can be whatever you want it to be. It does not have to be transforming the world; it can be something very simple. If your passion is making coffee, it can be your life’s purpose to make great coffee, maybe it’s to raise self- actualized children, or to be the best at pumping gas. It really doesn’t matter what, as long as you have a purpose that is conscious, that you can verbalize, and that you are striving towards each and every day of your life.

6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

The last pillar of Self-Esteem is the practice of personal integrity. Are your beliefs, values, ideals, convictions, standards, and behaviors aligned?

Do you mean what you say and say what you mean? If the answer to these questions is yes, you have integrity.

People with a healthy self-esteem have a sense of pride – a characteristic that is frowned upon in today’s world. If you have accomplished many things in your life in an honest and moral fashion, it is automatic to feel a sense of pride. It would be strange if you didn’t. To quote Branden again: “Pride is the emotional reward of achievement, it is not a vice to be overcome but a value to be attained.”

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

Most people, however, are not conscious of what they hold as their ideals or convictions. For these people the practice of personal integrity is impossible. How do you hold someone accountable when they don’t know what they don’t know? The issue runs deeper than a lack of integrity – it goes back to the root, it goes back to our philosophy and reminds us that the process of thinking By Design is a powerful one.

You can begin to see the importance of developing a conscious philosophy and building self-esteem for every human being on earth. They are requirements for an optimal mind and a maximized life. It will be impossible to transform anything in your life until you first begin by altering your thoughts, how you view reality and how you view yourself.

As you develop into a rational and independent human being, the exciting question is “What do I want to do with my life?” The amazing (and at times scary) answer is – whatever you want. There is nothing stopping you unless you have put it there to stop yourself. More often than not, the only thing holding you back is a lack of conscious philosophy and healthy self-esteem, but not any longer. Change your mind, change your life.

Now What?

How do you develop healthy self-esteem?

Step 1: Grab a copy of “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Dr. Nathaniel Branden – we have copies available at The Wellness Group for you.

Step 2: Carve out 1 hour per week for 6 weeks to read one pillar and do the ‘sentence completion’ exercises found in the book. At first, it may seem funny and trivial to do these exercises because they seem so easy but they absolutely work. The exercises can be found at: http://nathanielbranden.com/sentence-completion-i. It’s going to be a process… take your time, it will be worth every second!

Step 3: Act out the six pillars every day in a conscious, deliberate fashion. For example: Whenever we stand up and speak our mind even though we feel fearful of what others might think, we gain self-esteem. When we cower and stay quiet, our self-esteem decreases. Keep at it every day and with every opportunity, as the law of accumulation will strongly govern your results in this area.

These steps are part of the hard work, but nothing will give you a higher sense of self-satisfaction than planning and then achieving your life’s purpose.

Click HERE to download a copy the complete Think By Design Manual including all 5 requirements along with the best strategies to fulfill each of them.

Dr. Michael Gibson has committed himself to helping others to live the best life possible. After graduating with a Bachelor of Kinesiology from the University of Western Ontario, he received his Doctor of Chiropractic Degree and Masters of Science in Chiropractic Sports Science from Life University.   He is the co-creator of Life By Design, owner of The Wellness Group, and co-owner of CrossFit 613. His passion for empowering families runs deep. After experiencing the loss of his sister due to illness, Michael’s purpose became reaching and teaching as many as possible the foundational principles of an extraordinary life.  Since that time he has passionately pursued and been successful in living out his dream. He maintains a busy family chiropractic practice, a full speaking schedule and finds time to implement the principles and practices of Life By Design in his own life.